how to get out of a traffic ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver’s license? 
Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. 

Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle? 
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it. 

Officer: The car is stolen? 
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. 

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box? 
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? 
Driver: Yes, sir. 

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: 

Captain: Sir, can I see your license? 
Driver: Sure. Here it is. 

It was valid. 

Captain: Who’s car is this? 
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card. 

The driver owned the car. 

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it? 
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it. 

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box. 

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem. 

Trunk is opened; no body. 

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk. 

Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!


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